This Job is Tough

I have been contemplating a whiny blog post for about a week now, but can't quite come up with the words because when we have a bad day with Holden or a bad couple days in a row, then he seems to snap out of it. And despite my complaining below, it is still awesome to see him explore his environment and watch how much he is learning both in his speech and motor skills. It's sweet to see how exciting little things are to him, like putting his shoes on (the highlight of his morning).

But I will say, that sometimes its really tough being a mom. I think we are in the beginnings of the "terrible twos". He has had a language explosion but we still only understand about 1/2 of what he tries to tell us. So, when we don't understand he has a fit and gets frustrated and we try to stay calm but the whole situation tends to melt down for a bit.

Secondly, he is really starting to assert his independence and we are having to do some disciplining and its hard to explain to a bawling 21 month old why he can't have a cookie for dinner. And timeouts are more of a nightmare than the initial reason for the timeout. Someone explain to me why putting a bawling toddler in timeout and trying to keep him there for a minute is a good idea. Because right now, the minute is just as long for us as it is for him.

I'm not giving up because I don't want a poorly mannered, terror of a kid. But man is it tough sometimes to not give in just to stop the crying and whining. I will say I'm still lucky not to have a kid that holds his breath and throws a kicking screaming writhing on the floor temper tantrum (yet).

On a lighter note, here are some Santa photos. I will say that going to see Santa is a total racket, you stand in line for 1 hour minimum and then dish out at least $20 for the smallest photo package and Santa didn't even say anything to Holden while he was on his lap. But the photos are cute and I will be visiting Santa every year and dishing out the $20 plus bucks until Holden thinks its stupid (which I suspect will be somewhere between the ages of 11 and 13).

Santa 2009

Santa 2010

To Me (only younger)

Today I turn 30. Here is a letter to my 20 year old self, the person that started me on the path to who I am today ( an idea from Cassie).

Dearest Amanda,

Thank you for being the strong willed girl that you are. I know that you think your world is crashing in on you right now, but I will tell you that you come out of it on top and knowing what you want more than ever. You figure out what you really want in your life and make some really hard decisions about your love life, your career and your values that you still believe in. Its okay to talk to someone about what your going through, in fact I recommend it. You stress out too much (we are still working on it today).

Its a big year for you. You live in your first apartment and I will tell you this much, don't rent a basement apartment. You make a very big decision related to your college career and its hard but you make a very good choice and through the hard work you come out loving what you went to school for. You will have some doubters about your change in direction, but you are making the right decision and the doubters will become believers. Don't be so scared, believe in yourself.

Boys, they are the greatest love and heartache in your life. That boy your with I know your facing some disappointment with him right now, its OK to give up on him. In fact, you have someone in your life that your aren't acknowledging, someone that has been trying to get your attention for a few years. Open your eyes, he becomes not only your best friend but also the husband and father you dreamed about. All I can say is your life is going to be really good by the time your 30 and that you have prince charming in your life already, you just don't know it yet. And you have an awesome wedding, just like you dream about.

If you didn't gather from the last paragraph - you’re going to be a mom. It’ll happen at exactly the right time. Just remember that you don't have a lot of time to get to the hospital like they tell you in the class and epidurals ROCK. There’s nothing to be afraid of and oh my god – wait till you meet your son. You can’t even imagine the wonder and beauty and magic of a son.

As for mommy and daddy, you need to try and not get so involved. I know your trying to be the one that holds things together, but you need to work on how you feel about the disappointment. Everyone comes out of it okay and you will be able to repair your relationships with both of them. Don't be so hard on them, marriage is hard work. What they taught you growing up doesn't all have to be thrown out the window because they didn't want to keep fighting for something that wasn't there anymore. They are still good parents and you will come to realize that you were really lucky to have the childhood you had.

Keep going to the gym, its your best stress reliever. I know you have body issues (and those haven't gone away, we're still working on it) but when you work out you feel better about everything. Keep it up and give yourself a break, your beautiful and worth it.

Also, it's not such a bad thing to get passionate about a cause, or take sides on things. I know conflict makes you a bit uncomfortable (well, lets be honest really uncomfortable), but some things are definitely worth having an opinion on, even if it makes you and some other people a bit uneasy.

Your 20s are going to be stressful, hard and full of big life changing decisions that put you in a really great place when you turn 30. You will be happier and healthier and all that crap you are going through will make you so much stronger. So what if it takes you years to get it all together? Stop being so hard on yourself. You are okay, you are beautiful, you are stronger than you think. You will be fine and you will look back and realize that it all happened for a reason. So, good job, honey. You are doing what you need to do in order to become me.

Turn up the volume on Cake's "I will survive", roll down the car windows and sing to your heart's content. Don't forget to have fun.

Amanda

A star in the making

Here is Holden's television debut. Our alumni group in Charlotte was filmed during a game and shown on the local cable access show. Go Big Red!

Ren Fest / Halloween

We visited the Charlotte Renaissance Festival on Halloween as great place to dress up Holden and let him trick or treat in the daylight. It was also good people watching as usual. They had a little petting zoo so we got a snippet of video on how excited Holden gets with the animals.

Happy Halloween

An awesome dad

and a wonderful husband

Happy 30th Birthday

Fried Food and Farm Animals

We made a trip to the North Carolina State Fair on Saturday. Its a 2.5 hour trip to Raleigh so we prepared for our first day without an afternoon nap. And I will say Holden did awesome. The fried food and people watching probably helped. We hit the fair with some friends that have never been to a state fair (were they in for a treat).

Holden loved the animals, we hit all of the livestock barns and saw a steer get auctioned off to the local grocery store, Harris Teeter. And we walked through the rabbit shed and a petting zoo. He was so excited feeding carrots to the goats he couldn't contain himself. He kept jumping up and down and squealing. I tried to catch it in a photo but the photo doesn't do it justice.

The boys, Jeremy and Jay, were overly excited about the fair food. Here is a list of items that were purchased and sampled (or consumed in entirety).

• Fried frito pie
• Chocolate covered bacon (pig lickers)
• italian sausage
• gyro
• corn dog
• fried oreos
• funnel cake
• fried snickers
• fried mac & cheese
• krispy kreme bacon cheeseburger (see photo)
• fried reese's peanut butter cup
• fried cookie dough
• corn on the cob
  

The favorites were the snickers, oreos and frito pie. And I would say 4 adults consumed way more fried food in one day than we have all eaten in 6 months combined.It was an awesome day even with the 5 hours of driving.

Race for the Cure

Let me start by saying I had a goal. For a long time I have said I hate running. But wasn't really sure if I hated running because I wasn't good at it or if I really hated it. For years I have watched folks running in the neighborhood secretly envious that they could run and I couldn't. This spring I decided with encouragement (or a little kick in the ass) from Jeremy that I would set a goal to follow the Couch to 5K training program, sign up for a race and if I still hated running after the race I could say I tried. I also personally wanted to complete the 5K before I turn 30 in November.

Since May I have been running and today I completed my first 5K.

49.38

My time for finishing my first competitive 5k run. It was the longest and farthest and largest hills I have run. I am proud to say I ran the entire race even if it was slower than I thought. I was finishing my first mile when the first runners were crossing the finish line, but no matter I DID IT. And I LIKE RUNNING.

So I'm going to keep running and set a new goal. I'm going to find another race to sign up for in November/December and set to shave some time. Considering 5 minutes but open to suggestions. Also considering maybe trying for a faster mile like 12 minutes.