Breast vs Bottle (Warning: post about breastfeeding)

As a new mom there is so much information on how breastfeeding is the best for your baby. Even formula cans state at the top of the label "Important Notice: Breastmilk is best for babies". I knew when I was pregnant that I was going to breastfeed and wanted to breastfeed for at least 6 months. So, when I had to make the tough decision to stop breastfeeding at 6 weeks and put Holden on formula, I felt really guilty. For new moms today there is a lot of pressure to breastfeed and not enough education for new moms that not everyone is going to be able to breastfeed for as long as they want or at all. There is this feeling that you aren't as good of a mom because you can't provide nourishment for your newborn and new moms are constantly told that formula isn't as good for baby. Here is my story and how I am coming to terms with my ultimate decision to bottle feed.

As you know, Holden was premature. So in the hospital the nurses gave him a pacifier almost immediately and he couldn't leave the hospital until he drank an ounce of milk from a bottle. In addition, the doctors required him to be on 2 bottles of formula a day for weight gain since he was a preemie. We had some nipple confusion but things were improving over the next 3 weeks. When we got the all clear from Holden's doctor to exclusively breastfeed, I was all about it. Everything went downhill from there. I got thrush and Holden was a "lazy nurser" the combination of the two made my milk supply tank and Holden was nursing every 45 minutes. This was making my sleep-deprived life very stressful. So I went to see my lactation consultant and she helped me ultimately make the decision between continuing to breastfeed or bottle feed. I was really disappointed that I was ultimately going to have to ween Holden before I wanted to but knew deep down that it was going to be the best for everyone. My lactation consultant asked a very poignant question that really stuck and helped me come to terms with weening at 6 weeks. She asked "are you enjoying your time with your baby?" And I wasn't at that time. I was so stressed out and tired and Holden was constantly fussy because he was hungry all the time and not getting enough sleep himself.

So, with the support of hubs we switched Holden to formula. And even though I still feel some guilt and disappointment, it was the best for everyone. Holden almost immediately was that happy baby again because he wasn't hungry all the time and started sleeping 5-6 hours a night within a couple weeks. And I got my sanity back because I wasn't as sleep deprived.

I started thinking that there isn't enough support out there for mothers that have made the decision to bottle feed today. I know "breast is best" but there needs to be more support to let new moms know that breastfeeding isn't easy and that its OK if you choose to bottle feed because it is "best" for you and your baby. I never felt any judgement from friends and family for my decisions but was disappointed in myself. I will get over my personal disappointment and will still try to breastfeed with our next baby. I hope that as time goes on the pressure for moms to breastfeed isn't so overbearing and that the pendulum swings back to a happy medium that includes the information that bottle feeding is sometimes best. Bottle feeding is "best" for this family at this time.