What if I'm not cut out for this mommy thing

This week has been trying on both mine and Jeremy's patience. Take a pinch of ear infection, a dash of Holden stubbornness and a handful of crying/wining/no sleep and it was one of those weeks. This is a bitching post and I'm using my blog as an outlet, so for the grandmas I'm just warning you :)

Holden was obviously getting sick with the typical runny nose and fussy by Sunday afternoon but his breathing was getting worrisome by the evening. He was wheezing and working pretty hard to breathe. So we had decided I would take him to the pediatrician on Monday morning to make sure it wasn't something more serious than just his current cold. We cranked up his humidifier and I tossed and turned hoping that we were doing the right thing by not taking him to a doctor that evening.

I get up Monday and his breathing is much better, doctor checked him for asthma and he is all clear just a nasty bronchial infection and a double ear infection. We actually had a pretty good day, Holden played a lot and I kind of enjoyed staying home with him after the "not so serious" doctor visit.

Here is how the rest of the week went. We dealt with the following in one shape or form:

• Crying
• Screaming
• Not sleeping
• Pushing and throwing of food, toys, sippy cups
• Not wanting to be held, not wanting to be put down
• Waking up at 4 in the morning crying and screaming (that kid has a set of lungs I'll tell you).

That is just to name the big ones. The only caveat is if we were outside or he was allowed to pet the cats (I use pet loosely since it usually is a tug on fur and paws mostly) he was happy as a clam.

Now I know there is a silver lining to everything, but right now I'm having a hard time finding a happy place in the midst of the stress of a 1 year old. I just can't get over how much more independent he is becoming and that pretty much all of our old tricks of distraction and redirection are not working right now. I have devoured the Happiest Toddler on the Block and On becoming Toddlerwise and I'm not sure how much I really can say they have helped. I do understand we are going to have to start parenting for real, as my friend Stacey would say. But I don't think I was prepared for it to change so quickly at 14 months.

To top it all off, my MIL has informed us that 2 new babies are expected in the family in late 2010-early 2011 and she is anticipating a third. Now I love my MIL and she is usually right on the money with these things (its quite amazing how well she can predict babies), but after the week we have had I'm definitely not ready to jump on the second child bandwagon yet. Hopefully modern medicine won't fail us now :)

We are having a family cook out tomorrow with some friends and their little ones and the antibiotics should be kicking in for the ear infection. So cross my fingers I'm hoping this weekend things start to smooth out.

And, I've decided we are making a family trip to R.E.I. to pick me out some new running shoes (yes, I said running) I have concluded that after this week I need a healthier stress outlet than sitting on the couch watching reality t.v. and having a Coors light.

I guess to end on a positive, Holden is getting a hang of the walking thing and its pretty fun to watch how excited he gets about walking. I'll get some photos and video posted this weekend of the normally cute, lovable son I have.